Non-human animals were created with the ability to bond with their mates and their social groups; we, however, were uniquely made to connect intimately with other human beings. We are social beings who need companionship and loving affection; we were not meant to live in isolation, without the company of others. Even those who are in misery seek out people with whom to share a common misery.
The desire and capacity to‘click’with someone was designed into our genetic makeup. We all wish to be understood and accepted for who we really are; to find people with whom we can share our innermost thoughts and really listen to what we have to say. We yearn to connect with people who will encourage us to use our talents and accomplish our dreams. We long to be touched. The gentle, loving touch of someone who cares is vital to our physical and emotional health. Scientific studies confirm the importance of human touch in the development of healthy babies. Dr. Rene Spitz first published his findings in 1945 that human contact is necessary for the good health of babies. All babies who were raised in orphanages that were not held and cuddled suffered adverse health effects; some even“withered away”and died. Other studies showed that babies kept in incubators without being touched deteriorated in health.
Our hunger for love goes deep; it’s a craving that is so strong that it even clouds our ability to see situations or individuals as they really are. There is a familiar saying that“Love is blind.”Modern-day research supports the view that the blindness of love is not just a figurative matter. A research study in 2004 by University College London found that feelings of love suppressed the activity of the areas of the brain that control critical thought. This‘love blindness’is the reason many of us attach ourselves to people who are wrong for us. We choose to have any body in our lives, instead of waiting for the right somebody. People are drawn into bad situations over and over again because of their warped perceptions of love and their need for instant gratification. They ignore the warning signs that are blatantly obvious to others because they don’t want to be alone. Impatience in obtaining what we want is the main reason we end up choosing the wrong people as our soul mates, business associates and as our trusted friends.
Wrong associations are often made when our focus is on pleasing ourselves first. When our primary relationship is God, and we are focused on being like Christ, we will be drawn to godly people who are unselfish, loving and forgiving. People with like spirits attract each other so if we leave God out of the picture, we will be drawn to people who limit our potential and lead us to the path of dysfunction and destruction. Many of us have discovered that it is far better to be alone and live in peace, than to be with someone who makes our life a living hell. No one in their right mind would choose to be emotionally and physically abused, manipulated, or controlled. But it happens all the time because emotional entanglements have the power to overshadow reason. Getting untangled from unhealthy ties is possible, but only if we take the‘love blinders’off long enough to see why and how we formed unsuitable connections in the first place.
These are some ways that wrong attachments are formed:
1. When we seek people to give us the answers that only God is supposed to give us.
2. When we seek spiritual enlightenment from a person’s philosophy or anything other than scripture.
3. When we seek any relationship to fill a void instead of waiting for God to bring the right relationship.
Not enough is said about having the right biblical perspective on ourselves. A good self-image is imperative if we want to bond with the right people. We have to know and believe who God says we are, in order to get who and what we should have. Search the Bible to see what scripture says about you. You will be pleasantly surprised to discover your true worth. When we realize we are valued and worthy of love we won’t settle for second-rate relationships.
When we believe that Christ is our friend and constant companion we will never feel lonely. When we establish a relationship with God…all other relationships are icing on the cake!