I’d like to share something my son recently wrote regarding relationships. “Lesson from the coral snake”…
“I happen to like snakes, but that’s because I appreciate the beauty found in nature. Take the coral snake as an example. The beautiful coral snake looks very similar to the milk snake and scarlet king snake; yet king and milk snakes are harmless and the coral snake is deadly. How many things do we think are attractive on the outside that actually end up being dangerous? I know I have said a few times, “Wow she’s attractive!” And if I didn’t catch myself, I would have overlooked a very important question, “Is that person following God?”
We can’t let the beautiful things in this world blind us to hidden dangers. By always putting God at the top of our priority list, we will make better decisions in who we choose to let into our lives. When we surround ourselves with people who follow Him, we will have more assurance that we won’t get emotionally or even physically hurt in the long run!”.
Loneliness compels us to look for love in all the wrong places, and confusing lust, admiration, attention, or affection for love causes many of us to become entangled in a long-term relationship or even marry someone who is not right for us. We settle for less than we are worth because we don’t know what true love is; we don’t know our own worth, and are too anxious to fill our need for companionship.
James Dobson has the following suggestions for those who are thinking seriously about a relationship:
- Don’t marry the person you think you can live with. Marry the one you can’t live without.
- Don’t marry someone who has characteristics that you find intolerable, but are convinced you can get them to change. (Ex: someone who drinks too much, spends foolishly or flirts constantly)
- Don’t marry someone on an impulse. It takes time (at least a year) to know someone’s true character.
- Don’t marry someone who is not a believer.
- Don’t move in with a person before marriage. A 50 year study shows that couples who do have a 50% greater chance of divorce, and have less satisfying and more unstable marriages. The reason is that they regret violating their moral standards, and feel that a level of intimacy which develops and is validated by long term commitment has been stolen.
- Don’t marry too young. People who marry between the ages of 14-17 are twice as likely to divorce as those who wait until their 20’s. Maturity, selflessness, stability and self-control take time to develop.
- Don’t marry until you are determined to make the relationship work in spite of all difficulties and are committed never to threaten leaving your partner during angry moments.
Solid relationships do take time to set. The cementing of a relationship can’t be rushed. It is true that the quality of the bond during the courtship is the key to successful marriages. Studies show that only 10% of couples experience true intimacy in their relationship because of their wrong choices. This is not God’s plan for anyone and He warns us not to team up with those who are non-believers.
There is no comparison between a partner who is following God and one who isnot. The bible tells us that a woman should submit to her husband. Well, this is almost impossible for any woman to do when her spouse is not submitting himself to God. But, when a man is on the right track a woman has no problem following him. And a man will go to the end of the earth for a woman who respects and honors him.
My advice to anyone who is hoping to find their life partner is this…seek God first and He will give you the desires of your heart. If your choices in companions have proven to be faulty, and you are still trying to get it right, then you’ve got to stop the cycle of defeat and let God take over. He knows what is best for you and will bring your special person into your life…if you let Him. It worked for me. My husband and I will be married 21 years on the 14th of this month, but it seems like it was just yesterday that we met. Time really goes by when you share your life with your best friend. It has been so easy! That is the way marriage is supposed to be. No big issues, no drama and no regrets.
The person who is right for us is the one who helps us draw closer to God. Building an unshakable relationship is very much like constructing a solid structure. The proper foundation is absolutely necessary if the relationship is to hold up against the pressure and punishment that is sure to come. First and foremost, Christ must be the cornerstone on which everything else is built.